06/14/2009

why do i feel so secure when you’re there next to me?
this is so weird…you of all people…i knew this day would come. i expected it, but at the same time dismissed it. i’m always a step behind…
the funny thing is that i knew i wanted you as part of my future. that you were right for the part and that you were good for me. i was just too proud and shy to do anything about it. like always.

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06/06/2009

from johncmayer @ twitter:

When you got hurt/in pieces on the floor/you put them back together better than before.

When you got hurt/it made you beautiful/the cracks around your heart will let the light shine through

New song? I don’t know…I’m not a good fan 😦 but I really like his music & what I know of his personality…

To be honest, I’m so confused and unsure sitting here right now. I don’t know what I want to do anymore…with my life…lol. I’m just going to let it come to me I guess…

05/23/2009

She makes speech purely physical. I lose the meaning of her sentences and throw myself into the storm of her lips…Everything she says is beautiful. Her lips are a fountain with words brimming: I, with my hands cupped, wait for them to overflow.
Let’s dance together, speak together, compose sentences that will bridge the space between my char and your couch, between my sterile white dress shirt and your unbuttoned blouse.

-Pieces of Me

This here is my favorite passage of the book. How great would it be to be that girl.

bits and pieces

05/21/2009

For those of you who still read this…

I am in Seoul, South Korea right now. Currently I’m at a humble apartment in Bangbeh. The location is pretty bad for me because I live right behind the “Let’s Eat Corner” (roughly translated from Korean into English)…..So much good food and the price is so much cheaper than America! I feel my cheeks about to explode. 😦
On the other hand, I appreciate the weight of the 천원 & the cheaper goods here. It makes me go on little crazy shopping sprees with things that are sold for about $1-$10…haha

Yesterday I learned from one of the doctors I’ve met with that I cannot exercise because of my hip/back condition. The more I try to workout, run, etc, my body gets puffy….so I’ve been gaining weight because I’ve been exercising in a way…which just makes me sad… I actually started to enjoy running. It was a good stress reliever. He says the situation is serious and I might have to undergo surgery…and my mom is talking about me maybe taking a semester off from school to keep getting treatment here in Korea…Things are going really unexpectedly right now and I’m having a hard time taking everything in. Everything’s too sudden and too serious…I miss my old life. If I can change one thing in my life, it would be that one day. July 4, 2006. Getting in the car with you. Sneaking out with you. Lying to my parents about you. Stupid stupid stupid! How could that day turn out to be so wrong? It seemed like one of the best days, regretfully turning out to be the worst day of my life.

hmm so some things that’s been going on in christine’s mind…

i lost faith in people. hopefully it’s just lost for a little bit though :p it’ll be back, i have faith….(ironically)

what else…
1. i will get a tattoo.
2. i love catching up with people without the awkwardness of the “starting over stage”
3. i love art even if i many times i don’t feel qualified to participate in its making….i’ll just have to settle as an art appreciator or just try really hard to mold my own way into it 😉
4. i love dance, dancers, and dancing to its very original form.
5. i love music and think heading in the music industry as of now is what I’d be happiest with…but i’m not really into the business aspect. i don’t think i’ll end up happy just doing that.
6. i will find a way to incorporate everything i love into my life somehow….this is my greatest struggle/worry…that i can’t do or be a part of everything i love. i want to do it all and i won’t be satisfied until it happens.
-the end (as of today) 🙂

Melting…

05/06/2009

this song in its acoustic version just makes me melt…it just makes me want to find that special someone and listen to these lyrics with him as we are just lying there together.
i honestly hope i never hear anyone rap this because i am pretty sure i will fall for whoever does…i’m sad that tablo has a gf….but possibly MYK? :p

i remember my first glimpse of her face
i saw you smile, then i smiled
i was straight blown away
mesmerized by your beauty from your feet to your hands
how could one be so beautiful i don’t understand
heaven sent, god’s gift without a doubt in my mind
sometimes i wonder why our paths decided to collide
we started off as perfect strangers
boy meets girl, infatuation to love
now you’re my whole entire world
destiny taps me on the back — saying hello
but really it was your touch
no and i’ll never let you go
then you spoke i never heard a voice so sweet
heavenly
and from her words man i knew this girl was deep
just like me
with times to worry and times to play
we’ll sit and stress over life or just burn the day away

i know for sure in our past life
we had to be friends livin and dyin together
knowin that we would meet again
it’s just a blessin to have you in my life
i was destined, to be with you
i’m privileged, so amazing no question
and i’m knowin, soon enough we’ll get where we’re goin
just thinkin about it i can feel my heart growing
am i trippin? or is it that i finally see?
i don’t know, but my heart is saying that you’re the one for me
please believe me, i’m exactly where i wanna be
this rhyme is written from my heart to you
sincerely

you turn a cocooned soul into a butterfly
and i, lose control, can never turn aside
you shine like summer skies, like when a lover lies, next to me, and says to me
you make me wonder why
you are a beautiful mystery
every note carved into musical history
a simile, metaphor… words not enough to
entrust to you,
trust that its true
we must have a clue but we asked for evidence
dwell in passing sentiments though we bask in eminence
every moment every day, busy getting paid away, the soul fades away into a grainy shade of grey
i pray, that you’ll listen to, what i say,
cause i feel like a missing shoe
this is to everything that you are,
the wild earth, a child’s birth, sun moon and the stars

Awkkkkk

05/05/2009

Why does every other social situation here feel awkward….especially when sober…?
Why did we get awkward? We were the chillest. You fool.
It’s not only me, I swear…
I realized today as I got a phone call from someone…..that you can’t care about what people say here. People, especially the Asian crowd here talk about EVERYTHING. Everything is a big deal and everything is worth talking about. So you can’t stop yourself from having relationships, having fun, or being yourself because other people are talking about it. People will always talk. How dumb is it to distance yourself from a guy because people think you like him…or to be an asshole to a girl because then people will think you like her…?
Wow, what bullshit.
On a brighter note, some illllll froshies are coming here next year that I am pumped about. YAYYY!
Also, I am possibly going to London for the Spring 2010 semester…? If only I decide not to rush…I don’t know.
P.S. Funny how I have the bare minimum for screennames for Syracuse people and am adding people the last week of school….lol

Annoyed.

05/04/2009

It’s funny how people never change…..
The thing that bothered me about one person 4 years ago, still bothers me now.
And he/she still acts the same way too.
What do you do when one thing about a person bothers you, but you love every other part about them?

I need to take up kickboxing….I’m actually probably going to do boxing because that’s all that’s offered here…or that’s all I know of. It’ll be such a good way to get my stress slash negative energy out. It’s a really good cardio workout too. Blehhhh. There are sooo many things I want to do next semester but no time…I have a weird schedule, long hours, possibly 2 jobs, things to join, etc. I also want to go abroad…..for like 3 semesters. Hopefully I can at least twice. We shall see….

04/29/2009

I miss you entirely. The moments we don’t talk, the moments we do our own thing, but still have that moment as ours.

Mute

04/08/2009

I was thinking about the two states I usually feel most comfortable in. It’s kind of something I just noticed a lot more in college. I like when I have my headphones in or when I’m in just complete silence. Maybe it has to do with growing up in a music-filled house. Music was being played in my house 24/7. There was never a moment of silence. It was my dad playing his piano, him singing, his students playing the piano, my brother practicing cello, me practicing the violin, or somebody’s CD playing on the stereo. I don’t know if I’m being incredibly sensitive or I have a bad personality? I don’t think I have a bad personality, but sometimes loud voices just bother me and I’d rather just be in complete silence. It’s weird because I love company and I love people…I used to get into trouble because I wouldn’t talk during dinnertime, when my mom shouted for me, or when my parents asked me questions. I found it to be so tedious and unnecessary…especially the asking questions part when they knew all the answers. I feel mean because I know they were just trying to make conversations with me, but I wish they could’ve approached it differently. I would just nod or give them a look of understanding, or some indication to let them know that I understood. This was my “going through puberty” stage my parents and brother would say; and they say I still have “issues” that I need to fix. They think I have issues and am a “biatch,” (literally they’ve called me a “bitch”) but, honestly, I don’t mean to seem mean (hehe I didn’t mean that little wordplay) or uninterested. I think it’s just how I am. I like to absorb things…I don’t feel comfortable being expected to respond because I can never find the right words many times.

But I’m not too quiet either. If I feel shy, my voice many times gets louder and I am louder. Sometimes I just act loud and crazy for a period of time enough to allow myself to fall into my other state so people don’t think I’m unfriendly or quiet. It’s pretty weird I have to admit. I was always the person in the group that would not say much. A lot of people don’t find that easy to accept, so I think I’ve learned to adjust. I try to speak up more or say things just to say it. To me, it’s just like making noise to make known my presence I guess. As much as I sound like this quiet weird loner though (only because I’m writing particularly about this side of me), I’d like to say I’m pretty friendly, normal, and love people. I’m usually more outspoken, happy, and interested in so many different things. I am hopeful and enthusiastic many times, but I don’t express it as well anymore. My once effervescent self is dwindling I feel like. Perhaps because I don’t have as much energy as I used to. Boooo! 😦 So, I’m going to try my best to go back to my happy bubbly ways that I used to be able to make people smile with. I think making other people smile def. makes me feel happier.

“Brick”- Ben Folds
“If U Leave”- Musiq Soulchild